Lydia Nelson
My name is Lydia Nelson, and I came to Freedom Session back in 2017 for 3 reasons. 1. I had been a sponsor for college students and watched those women move through their pain and experience healing and forgiveness. Each one was courageous and I saw God change their lives. 2. I wanted Mount Olive to offer Freedom Session at our church and if it meant me becoming a facilitator to have that happen, so be it. 3. There were things in my own life that were preventing me from living an authentic Christian life. I knew God loved me and had freed me but I didn’t feel free, nor in times of anxiety or pain, did I live freely.
Early on in the Freedom Session program, when I had to write why I was attending, I wrote “I have never faced the truth about my pain, I’ve never shared most of those things with others and I have never truly experienced the abundant freedom Jesus offers me. I want people to know the real me without shame and guilt - I want to be whole.” At that time, I had no idea how this was possibly going to happen! I mean I had grown up in the church and worked hard at having a relationship with Jesus and nothing seemed to break through. I just felt tired. When Ken Dyck (the program creator) would tell us we were going to be different people by the end of the sessions I literally had no idea how that could be possible but I was ready to do whatever it would take to change.
I had learned from an early age how to disconnect from my pain. My emotions could be shut down and that seemed to really do the trick. A key system of dealing with my pain was withdrawal and isolation. My second way of coping with pain was using my vivid imagination and I soon developed a fantasy life. Ultimately these habits would continue as a way of escape for me all the way through to adulthood.
There have been several “aha” moments as I dealt with painful events from my childhood. Step 4 was big for me. ‘We made a conscious decision to turn our lives, our will and our pain over to the care of God and the leadership of Jesus Christ’. I had turned my life and will over to Jesus, but I had never allowed Jesus into my pain.
It was eye opening to learn that it only takes 5 or 6 painful incidents to set the trajectory of your life. The messages I had interpreted as truth in childhood “you aren’t good enough” and “you are dumb” undermined my ability to feel loved and accepted, eroded my confidence at school and affected my life as a mom and wife. Because of the message I believed from those painful incidents, I made choices based on the belief that I was a failure. I would often say no to opportunities that came my way because I believed I would fail. I cocooned myself in a self protective way that sadly left my kids and husband on the outside. My most meaningful relationships suffered.
Another thing I learned was to leverage the pain in my life to work for rather than against me. Leveraging pain is the discipline of following it back to its original source to deal with the root cause rather than finding ways to cope.
The only way through the pain… is through the pain. My form of denial, minimizing everything, was exposed and I began to recognize my words of “it’s not a big deal” “just get over it” kept me from dealing with pain and blocked me from living with vulnerability and openness.
I suppose the most powerful part of all for me was the forgiveness work. When I worked through the steps of forgiving people who had hurt me and forgiving myself for those I had hurt, tears just poured out. And considering I was emotionally deficient, it was pretty awesome and cleansing...even the headache seemed worth it!
There is much more work to be done in my life as other issues have surfaced this year and that is why I continue to be involved with the program. If you are interested in more information about Freedom Session, please check out the Mount Olive website at mountoliveefc.com or email freedomsession@mountoliveefc.com
I am so thankful to my heavenly Father for his love and kindness, for Jesus as Lord in my life and for the Holy Spirit who is working to change me from the inside out.
